I thought I’d do a non-bookish post for once, but it’s something I associate with my bookish-ness – being an introvert, and the thoughts that come along with being one.
For being an introvert, I seem to know a lot of extroverted people. At least, they seem to be extroverts. They could just be introverts who are really good at making themselves seem more outgoing. I’d like to know how they do it, because I’m probably the most introverted person I know… and people know it right away.
But I thought it’d be fun to take a look into the mind of an introvert (but it might just be me…).
1. Oh no, I’m going to have to sit in the middle of this crowd of people. I wanted a corner seat. Whether it’s a bookstore or a local Panera, my eyes immediately search for an open seat that isn’t surrounded by people. If I’m in the corner or on the edge of the crowd, I’m safe. If I have to sit in the middle of a dining area I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me – how I eat, how I’m sitting, etc.
2. Well, that conversation did not go like I planned in my head. If I’m not comfortable around someone, I can get awkward during conversations… especially when there’s nothing left to say. I might tend to babble and stumble over my words, then I have to make some kind of joke out of why my mouth is spazzing out. This is the reason I’m better at writing papers than public speaking.
3. I made these plans, but I really don’t want to go. But I made a commitment, UGH! I’m not like this with everyone… it really depends on what I committed to. If it’s a party or group gathering where I don’t know a lot of people, I’m more likely to back out… or think about it anyway. However, if it’s just a few of my close friends, I’m usually okay for however long we hang out. Then I go home and pass out from exhaustion.
4. Public speaking projects were the worst thing a teacher could assign me in school. All the way up through my final college course… I hated having to present a project in front of the class. Even if it was a group project. I’m honestly surprised I never passed out because I would shake so much while standing up there. And I had the hardest time making eye contact with my classmates if none of my friends were in that class. If anything, I just talked to the teacher or the back wall.
5. I really want to hang out with someone, but it’s my only day to myself this week. What am I going to do?! I know I should spend as much time as I can with my friends and family, but sometimes when I only end up with one day to my self the entire week I’m a little hesitant about going… even if I want to. It’s nothing against my friends/family, I just need that alone time if it’s been an unusually busy week.
6. Why hasn’t this person texted me? I mean, I would message them first, but I don’t want to bug them. I’m always afraid to text someone first, even my close friends, because I feel like I might be bugging them. Is it irrational? Yes. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking that I might be a pest to someone if I’m always the person who texts them first.
7. Wait, what did I just miss? Crap, I hope it wasn’t important. Just smile and nod. I’m always losing myself in my thoughts… always. Sometimes I can’t control it… my mind just wanders off. You know when people say that a person is present in the room, but not in the head? Yeah, that’s me, but for a different reason than you’d think.
8. It’s just a phone call, you can do this…. Well, that couldn’t have been any more awkward. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I spend too much time before making a phone call freaking out and rehearsing what I’ll say. Most of the time I do okay, but there’s those few times I mess up and am hard on myself after I hang up.
9. Oh good, my friend knows this person and I don’t. I’ll just stand here and phase out of the world slowly. I’m the worst when I’m hanging out with a friend and we run into someone they know. Sure, they’ll introduce me and all, but once they start talking I kind of disappear. I never know if I should actually pay attention to their conversation or not. Sometimes I feel like it’s eavesdropping, even though they know I’m right there. On the rare occasion I can throw myself into the conversation, but I think that’s only happened twice in my life.
10. YES! The plans were cancelled! I mean, I feel bad it’s raining out, but I can stay home and don’t have to put regular pants on! I’m so guilty of being happy when plans I’ve been dreading are cancelled. Who isn’t though? Even if it wasn’t a huge event, if I decided I didn’t feel like going (but I was going to anyway) it’s the biggest relief to not have to go anymore.
11. I’m only getting married to someone who can understand that I just want to sit there and read, but with him reading next to me. Can I be honest? This gif from Up pretty much summarizes what I’m looking for in my future husband.
And those, ladies and gents, are real thoughts that go through my mind. If you’re an introvert, I’m sure you can agree. If not, you probably know someone like this.
Are you an introvert or extrovert? Or a mix of both?